Mugging Monkeys

Startling development on the Indian sub-continent:
People are being mugged.
By monkeys.

These monkeys are SO EVOLVED - or rather SO ADAPTED to human behavior and environment, that they have learned to rob innocent shoppers in roving gangs.
These aren't just random monkeys hanging out and begging for food. These monkeys are ORGANIZED. They can smell which bag has the freshest bread, which cart has the ripest fruit, which tub has the organic vegetables. If you give them the lesser loaf, apple, or radish, they will bite you (would a monkey want a radish? I honestly have no idea)

These monkeys rove in gangs, taking over huge proportions of cities. There are signs everywhere: DO NOT FEED THE MONKEYS!!! But people still voluntarily feed them. You see, it's a Hindu tradition, apparently, to feed monkeys on Tuesdays and Thursdays to honor a monkey god. It's cruel to force Hindus to stop their religious practices - but their religious practices are resulting in monkeys mugging people!

And the monkeys aren't just randomly ganging up on people either. If they know you buy a lot of food, they will camp out on your lawn. These monkeys mean business - and if pressing their faces against your windows 24/7 is what it takes, then they will do it.
It's very hard to go to work, or school, or even just the park if you are under siege by monkeys.

You have to rent a monkey to pee on your door so the smaller monkeys will go away.

I have no idea how much these Rental Monkeys cost. I tried looking it up and I got a bunch of commercial monkey BUYING sites. If you find a genuine price range for Rent-a-Monkey - specifically for peeing in your house and yard in India -  let me know and I'll update this. (Giving you credit, of course)

The next thing you know, they'll just sell bottled monkey fluids with little pumps that you apply yourself. Like a vaccuum or a washing machine. A chore. "Danny, go spray the monkey pee!" I mean, ew. What sort of a job is that? Or people come around in a garbage truck to do it on the curbs of sidewalks? As a public service? Oh, better go cover up the mailbox, wednesday is monkey pee day!

That is just bizarre.

Anyways, this is like a HUGE problem in India now.  Honestly, I didn't even know there WERE monkeys in India.

On one woman's blog, she said that when in India, a monkey flew out of no where, screamed, and nearly pushed her off a balcony.

If you don't believe me, watch this video!

~Julia