Brother Book: Episode 2

SCENARIO: Brother is sitting on sister's panda. Panda is risking being squished, suffocated, or malformed. :(

BAD BROTHER:
Me: OMG! Brother, you are squishing my panda!
Brother: (looks up with contempt and disregards comment)
Me: BROTHER! Get off of my panda!
Brother: (continues to ignore sister)
Me: HELLO!
Brother: (shifts weight on panda and smirks)
Me: Mom, brother is squishing my panda!
Brother: Hehe, no I'm not! (Picks up panda and throws it across the room)
(panda lands in fireplace)
Me: AAAGH! PANDA!
(sister dives for panda)
(brother slams into sister, grabs panda, and throws panda out the window)
Me: AAAAAGH!
(panda is run over by a car)
(panda is rather squished but still intact)
Me: BROTHER!!! OH MY GOD!!! PANDAAAAAA!
(panda does not respond)
Me: MOOOOOOOM!
Brother: (snarls) NO!
(shoves sister out the window)
(sister is run over by a car)
(brother uses sister as plant fertilizer and puts panda back in her room)

OR

Me: OMG! Brother, you are squishing my panda!
Brother: That's right - hahahahaha! I am turning your panda into a robot with my robotizing-panda pants!
Me: NOOO!
Brother: Hehe.
Panda-bot: Beep. Beep. Boop.
Me: NOOOOOOO!!! PANDA!!!
Panda-bot: Master, I am ready to serve.
Brother: Muahahaha.
Me: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Me: Wait till my father hears about this!
Panda-bot: I AM YOUR FATHER!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Me: Wait - WHAT?
Brother: Panda - KILL SISTER AND LUKE SKYWALKER!!
Me: Oh no!
Darth Panda: Kill sister and (dramatic inhale) Luke Skywalker (dramatic exhale).
Luke: Die, Darth Panda! You are not my father!
Darth Panda: Look inside yourself Luke, you know that it is true. (dramatic breathing)
Luke: NOOO!
(Luke whips out light saber)
Me: What the heck is going on???
Darth Panda: KILL KILL KILL!
Luke: DIE!
(Luke lunges with light saber)
(Darth Panda knocks the light saber aside. It flies out the window)
Luke: Oh no!
Riava: Don't worry. I won't let the panda hurt you.
Darth Panda: STEP ASIDE FEEBLE JEDI
Riava: I won't let you hurt these innocent people. You have caused much too much damage already. Come back to the light, Anakin Panda-walker. You can still work with the Jedi!
Brother: Don't listen to her Darth Panda! You are Darth Panda! You are invincible!
Riava: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
Brother: AND YOU ARE A ROBOT PANDA!
Darth Panda: Beep - SYSTEM OVERLOAD.
Robotizing-panda pants: Beep. Overflow error.
Brother: NOOOOOO!
Panda: Yay! I am a free Jedi Panda once again!
Brother: YOU! (attacks Riava)
(epic battle ensues)
(Riava wins) (duh)
(Everybody cheers and we throw a Riava-is-awesome party)

OR

Me: OMG, Brother, you are sitting on my panda!
Brother: AAAAAAAAAAGH!
(Kills me with an axe)


GOOD BROTHER:
Me: OMG! Brother, you are squishing my panda!
Brother: Oh horrors!
(Brother immediately retrieves Panda)
Brother: Oh, Panda, I am sincerely sorry! How can I ever fully express my regret?
Panda: Don't mention it. It was an accident.
Brother: No, I insist! Here I will present you both with these apology cupcakes!
Me: Thank you!
Panda: This is very kind of you, Brother.
Brother: It was the least I could do.


MY BROTHER:
Me: OMG! Brother, you are squishing my panda!
Brother: (no response)
Me: BROTHER! Get off my panda!
Brother: (grunt) Fine. (Removes panda)
(throws it on the couch)
Me: Don't sit on my Panda any more!
Brother: I won't.