I FREEZE.
That's me, freezing to death. Notice two important things:
1) My toes and arms are FROZEN IN SOLID ICE.
2) My "friend" is LAUGHING IN MY FACE.
Just wanting to point that out.
Anyways, although my toes are the most vulnerable, I have a chart of the various locations on my body that are prone to freezing in cold weather.
(You may have noticed that cartoon-me has long hair. That's because cartoon me always has and always will have long hair. ALWAYS. I have a long-haired soul)
Anyways, I have a chart of the danger levels of cold pain my toes endure as my "friend" stomps on them.
Level | Description |
1 | Your toes are cold, as in no longer warm. You immediately start on this level, as soon as you step outside. |
2 | Toes are now uncomfortable; you want to be inside. They squirm and you think negative thoughts. |
3 | Your toes begin to sting, as though small icy ants are biting them. You are now quite pessimistic and you want shelter NOW. |
4 | Your toes feel a harsh sting, as though stomped on. You find it improbable to distract yourself and can only hope to deny the remaining exposure you face. |
5 | Toes resemble having had recent contact with bare ice. You probably start whimpering, if you haven’t already. |
6 | Toes have been on ice while stomped on with spiked cleats. Induces hysterics; pain melts from your toes like a tide coming in. |
7 | Frostbite, or at least something close. |
8 | Call a hospital. Seriously. If this stage even exists it means you are about to die. |
So, as you can see, we start on level one. There is no level zero. There are no levels inside. Level one is immediate, the awareness of a decrease in temperature one experiences when venturing into the outdoors.
That's me, regretting not just riding the bus.
Level 2 is when your toes are uncomfortable. If you had been outside playing, you probably would have gone back inside where your toes could be warm, however no actual pain accompanies this level.
Level 3 is when the pain revs up. You get stinging pains in your toes, like icy ants sending tiny pricks of pain through your nerves.
Level 3 is when you start doubting your survival and struggle for ways to distract yourself.
Level 4 is intense, as though your foot was just stomped on. Hard.
Pay special attention to the Frostbitten goo oozing out of the sides.
Level 5 is evil. Level 5 is like the burning sore of having just stood barefoot on ice. All you can think is OWWWWWGODMAKEITSTOPOW in a drone of torture. Your only option is to deny the remaining time in which you are likely to be trudging through pain.
Level 6 is the killer. When you die and go insane. I doubt any description I have to offer can truly sum up the absolute pain that cuts jaggedly from my toes. OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
I had a gory picture, but have since judged it improper.
Level 7. Is this actually Frostbite? Probably not. There was one occasion where I was convinced that I had reached a 7 last year. Maybe a 5.8.
Level 8 was recently invented for when the coldness requires medical attention, as 7 probably doesn't.
DO.
NOT.
REACH.
LEVEL.
EIGHT.
Judging from the pain the other levels inspire, I can't even imagine what this would feel like.
When you finally stumble inside, screaming and crying and dying, you at first feel a pleasant warm tingling, but the warm contrast radiates deep into your skin and festers, short circuiting your nerves in blinding flashes of pain as your legs try to orientate themselves.
I invented this system to occupy myself - and thus somewhat distracting myself from the pain (which was at a 4.7) in my toes.
I hope it comes in handy in desperate situations for you all, and yet hopefully you won't have to use it.
Weeping for my pains,
Julia
