Fingers are not Food

Grrr.
Just  47 SECONDS AGO my brother and I had a conversation.

J: Brother, you really shouldn't chew your finger like that.
B: Okay...
...
B: *gnaw gnaw*
J: I see that.
B: See what?
J: You chewing on your finger.
B: ...
B: Oops.
...
B: *gnaw gnaw*
J: AAAGH STOP THAT!
...
B: *gnaw gnaw*
J: I. am. going. to. whack. you. with. a. WEED-WHACKER!!!!!
B:...
...
B: *gnaw gnaw*
And so it went on.

My brother is now loping around wailing because his finger is burning.

B: AAAGH
...
B: AAAGH, JULIA MY FINGER...
J: What's wrong?
B: My finger hurts... OWWW...
J: Did you burn it on that pan thingy?
B: No...
J: Did it get pinched in a door?
B: No...
J: Did you cut it with scissors?
B: No...
J: Okay, what happened then?
B: I ate my finger.
J: ...alright that's great B-
J: WHAAAAT?
B: I was gnawing on it. AND IT FELL OFF!

No, he didn't actually say that. Anyways...

J: AAAAGH!
B: Owww...
J: I'MGOINGTOWEEDWHACKYOU...

Then I chased him around.
Then I did the math.

Chewing finger = getting weed-whacked
Boy who chews finger = weed
Weeds = Traitors


Does this mean that my brother will be a terrorist?
What are the ways in which I could prevent this disaster?
Back to biology, kids...

How do we eliminate the weed?


Well, there is biological control... And there are man-made tools... and mass chemicals... we could even form a forest fire...
Which is the best option?

Let's start on biological control.
Man finds a problem. Too many weeds. What do we do? Bring in more weeds from Asia!
For instance, kudzu.
Kudzu was brought in, and is now throttling every shred of organic matter available. Even inorganic matter. Such as cars. And houses. And buildings. And bridges.
However, it did serve the intended purpose. A bit too well.

So how can we make sure this won't happen?
Whatever weed we bring in will probably just further damage our country's stability.

Next option. Weed-whackers.

Been there done that. My brother's still chowing on his digits. Next.

Mass chemicals? Too risky. You'll probably be poisoned as well. Although it would be cool. You could have little hoses full of acidic denigrade...

But no. We care too much about our environment. That's exactly why we need the weeds out!

Forest fires? I'm not even going to start on that.

Point being, scientists have not tried one thing. Putting the weeds on Pluto.

Meaning if people who chew their fingers go intergalactic and start up in a NEW space shuttle program (which seriously needs to be restored for the US. WE NEED SPACE TRAVEL) within astronomy fields, they are less likely to stab you in the back!

The moral of this story is:
If you have a sibling that chews his/her fingers, make sure they get a NASA scholarship before its too late and they murder you!